This is a very personal story and a very long text, so please be warned.
(Summary: I'm happy that my favorite VTuber's trial has ended.)
Around 2019, I was seriously wondering whether or not to quit music.
There were various reasons, but to summarize, most of them were negative, like "I might not have any talent for music, so if I don't quit soon, things are going to get bad."
Looking back, it was all fairly trivial, and I wonder why I was so worried.
My social media was a mess, I stopped my activities, and I spent my days in a state of self-indulgence, wondering what I would do once the songs I was currently commissioned for were finished.
My interactions with friends decreased, and I didn't communicate much with my family. I was deeply depressed when a friend told me about a VTuber named Roa Yuzuki who had recently debuted, saying she was very interesting, so I decided to check her out.
At the time, USAGI Production had many collaboration projects with VTubers, but other than researching them to write songs for work, I never really watched VTubers closely.
Since I didn't have any particular hobbies, I quickly became hooked and started leaving her streams on whenever they were live.
Then came the story of the fan art requested via a hashtag to celebrate her first anniversary.
The fan art up to that point had been wonderful, and I was constantly liking the #ロアート tag.
Among them, I saw someone I met through fan activities posting a photo of a print cake for her birthday, and I felt moved to action.
I thought, "I can at least make music, so why am I just watching without even appearing on social media?"
That was the catalyst for me to open my DAW and start creating music purely of my own volition for the first time in a long while.
I still remember the themes at the time: "Moon" and "Princess."
I clearly remember thinking while I was making it, "Ah, I can still have fun making music."
Once the song was finished, I had an illustration drawn through interactions with other fans, and it took the form of a video.
Since I was already active in VTuber-related music under my own name, I thought it wouldn't feel like pure fan art if I posted it as myself, so I created a pseudonym account to post it.
(The song is titled "Hoshizora no Shirabe"; it's an old song so it's a bit embarrassing, but I'd be happy if you'd listen to it if you're interested.)
Thankfully, the song reached her, and she featured it along with everyone's fan art during her first-anniversary stream.
Because the previous song was like that, I wanted to make this kind of song next time... and so I continued to post music irregularly, using anniversaries and birthdays as an excuse.
Then, around October 2020, Roa Yuzuki was forced to go on hiatus.
I couldn't just sit still, and I wanted to do something to encourage her through fan art. I thought of her very important family cat (dog). I contacted Nanoda Heke-san, who was drawing that mascot, and had an illustration made. It wasn't for any particular anniversary, but I posted the song hoping it would reach her whenever she was able to look at social media again.
After that, I continued to create and post music for birthdays and anniversaries, and around 2021, I stopped using the pseudonym.
In 2024, since I had accumulated enough songs, I even made a mini-album for an only-event called Nijisousaku.
And in 2025, I ended up marrying Nanoda Heke-san, whom I had stayed in touch with since Roa Yuzuki disappeared, after nearly five years.
We have now finished our first wedding anniversary, and we are both happily and busily working on our creations.
Five and a half years is a long time for a human being, enough time for major changes to occur.
And I believe that the activities she did during that time (merchandise, reports, etc.) were a support for me. (And for all the fans, too.)
Basically, it's just a story of a fan who got depressed on his own, made music on his own, got better on his own, and started a family, but for me, it is undoubtedly one of the days I have been waiting for.
By the way, I'm having so much fun with music now! I feel like a fool for almost giving up; there are new discoveries every day. I'll savor this for a lifetime!
So, what I do won't change, but since I'm happy, I might just make a song somewhere without worrying about the date!
Congratulations, truly!
