Lately, I've been looking around and thinking about something.
Everyone is really working hard.
Starting morning routines, working out, putting effort into side hustles or networking.
I feel like many people are pushing themselves as if they are playing a game of addition, thinking, "I have to add more, otherwise I can't be happy."
Actually, I used to be one of them.
But at one point, I realized something.
The people around me who seem to be living truly happily and lightly aren't adding things; rather, they are "secretly stopping things."
Perhaps they possess that natural aura because they have quietly let go of what society thinks they "should" do.
Happiness might not be about acquiring something, but rather the process of letting go of unnecessary things.
With that in mind, I want to talk about three things I consciously "stopped doing" based on my own experience.
1. Don't make other people's emotions your "part"
The biggest change was stopping "shouldering other people's emotions all by myself."
In the past, if my boss was in a bad mood at work or a friend's reply was blunt, I would be restless all day thinking, "Did I do something rude?"
I was taking on the other person's negative emotions, assuming they were my fault.
At that time, I suddenly thought about a "band performance."
A good song is created because the drums, bass, and guitar each play their own part well.
But what if the drummer got greedy and started playing the bass part too, thinking, "The bass sound is weak, so I'll play it for them"?
The performance would surely become a mess, and the whole song would fall apart.
I realized that human relationships are the same.
"The boss's bad mood is the sound the boss is playing," and it is not my sound.
Taking on the sounds that each person should play themselves might have been an arrogant act of treating the other person as someone who "cannot process their own emotions," rather than an act of kindness.
Now, when someone is in a bad mood, I whisper to myself, "Oh, that sound is that person's sound," and let it slide.
It may seem cold, but I feel that this is the "boundary" that respects the other person as an adult.
2. Discard the urge to provide "answers"
The next thing I stopped was trying to immediately provide "answers" or solutions when listening to someone's troubles.
In the past, if a friend said, "Work is hard," I would say, "Why don't you change jobs?" and if a family member complained, I would give advice like, "You should do this to solve it."
I did it with good intentions, but the other person's face was always clouded.
One day, I was struck while watching youth baseball practice.
An enthusiastic coach kept giving instructions to the child at bat, saying, "Keep your elbows in" and "Lower your hips," but the child's head became so full that they couldn't hit the ball.
Conversely, children moved more freely with coaches who watched silently and only added a word when the child came to ask, "What should I do?"
Most of the time, humans aren't talking because they want an answer.
They just want to organize their thoughts by speaking out loud and reach their own answer. If you throw an answer in from the side, you rob the other person of their "process of thinking for themselves."
So lately, I've been swallowing my advice and valuing words like "I see," "That must be tough," and "Is that so?"
Surprisingly, I'm thanked more often with "I'm glad I could talk, I feel refreshed" when I don't say any solutions.
3. Cherish the margin called "silence"
The last thing is that I stopped "trying to force the silence to be filled."
Leaving the TV on when I'm alone at home, putting on earphones immediately on the train, rushing to fill a gap in conversation with a topic...
In the past, I was terrified of silence.
In music, the "rest" between notes is never empty time.
Because there is a rest, the next note stands out, and a lingering resonance is born in the melody.
A state where sound is constantly playing is no longer music; it's just "noise."
Our lives are the same; without blank time, we can no longer hear our own true voice.
When it gets quiet, the true feelings we usually keep a lid on, like "I actually hate this job" or "I actually want to do this," show their faces.
Perhaps we try to fill the gaps with information and sound because that is scary.
Now, I intentionally make five minutes every day to just stare outside blankly with my phone and music turned off.
At first, I was restless, but as I continued, I became able to have deep dialogues with myself, thinking, "Oh, I was a little tired this week," or "I was actually happy at that time."
Conclusion: Life was a "game of subtraction"
Looking back, I feel that life is not a game of piling things up, but a "game of subtraction" where you shave off unnecessary things one by one.
- Don't shoulder other people's emotions.
- Don't rush to provide answers.
- Don't fear silence; love the blank space.
Just by secretly stopping these three things, the daily scenery has changed to something surprisingly light and quiet.
When you relax your shoulders, you become able to work hard where you really should.
For me, who had lived according to other people's standards until now, these were groundbreaking ideas, and since then, I've been able to live a life on my own terms—or, to put it bluntly, a self-centered life.
Starting affiliate marketing was part of that process. Although there was a period at the beginning where I had to work hard, I am now living a comfortable and free life.
If there are people in a similar situation, I will give you a PDF describing the affiliate marketing method I use, so please try it out.
If you feel suffocated in your current life, why not try "stopping the sound" for just five minutes tomorrow?
That small subtraction should make your own life's melody resonate more vividly.
