Time flies like an arrow. My 30s passed in the blink of an eye, and I turned 40 this June.
It was a decade of running frantically, but compared to when I turned 30, my level of satisfaction is significantly higher. Why is it so different for someone like me, who was originally quite negative? Looking back and putting it into words, I've reached one answer.
The "sense of control over life" is completely different between my 29-year-old self and my current self.
Allow me a little self-reflection.
At 29, I was dumped by a girlfriend I had been with for four and a half years. I was deeply melancholy. Looking back now, I realize I was "too kind." I was a nice guy, but unreliable. Moreover, I had a habit of blaming my surroundings when things didn't go well. I lived on momentum and vibes, with no personal core or "axis."
From her perspective, it could be summed up as "lacking the ability to provide."
My situation back then was:
- Job: Part-time shift leader
- Debt: 800,000 yen
- Monthly take-home pay: 210,000 yen
- Living in Tokyo
Every month was a struggle just to survive. I was in no position to envision a future.
The turning point came at 33. A YouTube video I happened to watch triggered a desire to gain knowledge, and my life gradually began to change.
- Improved my constitution; my atopic dermatitis got better
- The mental fog that hung over me every day cleared
- Started reading every morning
- Quit being a part-timer and started sharing information online
As a result, I became a reader of 1,000 books a year, went independent as a verbalization consultant, and now run my own business.
To be honest, it was full of hardships, but I am living in a completely different world than my 29-year-old self. It wasn't that some special talent awakened. I simply acquired the skills to take the lead in my own life, one by one.
Life is Like Farming
I've come to think of life using the metaphor of agriculture.
Your 20s are the "plowing" period.
As a "nobody," you move around frantically. You fail, get lost, and get hurt. But all that chaos is the work of softening the soil. Even barren land, the more you plow it, the better the soil becomes for seeds to grow.
Your 30s are the "sowing and fertilizing" period.
You decide what to plant in the plowed soil. You acquire skills, build habits, and deepen relationships. Daily accumulation becomes the fertilizer. Only the seeds you carefully tend during this period will eventually sprout.
Your 40s are the "sprouting and blooming" period.
The results of the seeds sown in your 30s begin to appear here—in work, family, and yourself. Whether you bloom in your 40s depends on what you sowed in your 30s.
The problem is that many people spend their 30s without knowing "what to sow."
The 30s are the period to "solidify yourself"
What you should do in your 30s can be summarized in one phrase: "solidify yourself."
If you don't build a solid foundation here, it will be too late in your 40s. Specifically, you need the ability to think for yourself and the management skills to execute and maintain those thoughts.
If you age without this foundation, you will continue to be tossed around by external changes. You'll waver every time company policy changes, get exhausted by relationship troubles, and realize you have no time or energy left for yourself.
What you will regret most isn't failing to achieve flashy results.
It's realizing later that your work, money, relationships, and how you use your time have always been decided by others or your environment.
In other words, the skill to cultivate in your 30s is the "power to take the lead in life without being passive."
Conversely, if you're in your 30s now and thinking, "Ah, this is about me," that's a sign that it's not too late. I want to introduce the 8 skills that I, who spent a talentless and lazy 20s, acquired in my 30s to take control of my life.
① Thinking Skills — The power to think for yourself
In an age overflowing with information, the ability to think with your own head makes the difference. People who move because "AI said so" or "my boss said so" will see a completely different landscape in five years compared to those who ask their own questions.
The key is to "have doubts." The quality of your questions determines the quality of your thinking. This applies to AI as well; the results change 180 degrees depending on "what you ask."
**- Why are we going in this direction?
- What is the real problem that needs solving?
- Is the premise itself wrong?
- Are there other options?**
Before looking for answers, develop the habit of increasing the precision of your questions. Without thinking skills, you'll continue to choose answers provided by others for your own life.
② Verbalization Skills — The power to convey yourself
We tend to think we know ourselves best, but that's not true. You know yourself less than you think, and others see you "how they want to see you."
This is a problem of verbalization. When you can put vague emotions and thoughts into words, your self-understanding deepens, and how you communicate to others changes dramatically. Whether it's a diary, SNS, or explaining to someone, increasing the number of times you "put it into words" is training.
If you don't put it into words, your intentions won't be conveyed. And the blank spaces will be filled with whatever interpretation is convenient for others.
③ Coordination Skills — The power to balance yourself and others
Neither pushing your own claims nor just catering to others will last long. In your 30s, you'll find yourself "caught in the middle" more often. Coordination is the ability to find the optimal compromise while understanding both sides' positions.
The important thing is to "be candid." Coordination isn't about holding back; it's about reaching a point where both sides are satisfied while understanding each other.
④ Self-Understanding (Personal Axis) — The power to clarify yourself
This isn't about "finding what you want to do." Your axis isn't something you "find" through introspection alone; it's something you "create." It's built through action, failure, and experience. Without a personal axis, you'll keep chasing the success and happiness defined by others.
⑤ Money Skills — The power to manage money
Money is one of the evaluations given by society. If you don't have enough, you must investigate why you aren't being evaluated. But first, you must solidify "yourself as a product." If you can't manage money, you'll continue to sell your time and options just to fill the deficit.
⑥ Time Management — The power to manage time
Time is the only resource given equally to everyone. "Happiness = using time in your own way." Once your personal axis is solid, deciding what to use time for becomes natural. You can decide not only what to do but also what not to do.
⑦ Self-Management Skills — The power to manage performance
No matter how good your tools are, if the farmer collapses, the field will go to ruin. Your 30s are a time when fatigue accumulates more easily than it appears. Self-management isn't about pushing yourself hard; it's the technique of returning yourself to a state where you can move when necessary.
⑧ Resilience — The power to overcome failure and setbacks
If you try to acquire something, you will inevitably fail. But like farming, every failure has meaning. Failure is not a loss; it's proof that your "soil" is growing. People who change their lives aren't those who don't fail, but those who can turn failure into the next batch of fertilizer.
In Conclusion
Looking back, my 29-year-old self was entirely passive. I was flowing with the environment, people, and emotions. The soil was barren, nothing was sown, and time just passed.
The root of the 8 skills I acquired in my 30s is the "attitude of making yourself the subject."
Think. Convey. Coordinate. Know yourself. Manage money, time, and mind. And recover even if you fail. These aren't ultimate moves that change life in one hit, but they create a sense of control. Seeds not sown in your 30s won't suddenly bloom in your 40s. Everything depends on your actions now.
On this account, I verbalize daily themes of 1mm growth. Following is an encouragement.
https://x.com/antoshia2n/status/2091080630989885945
References + Recommended Books:
- The Theory of Happiness Capital by Akira Tachibana
- The Easiest Way to Find What You Want to Do by Jinpei Yagi
- The Long Game by Dorie Clark
- Option B by Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant
