Years ago, I saw the quote: "Without education, drinking parties turn into power harassment or sexual harassment." Since then, that idea has stuck in my head and won't leave.
I have too many memories of it.
Equally unforgettable is the idea that "Without learning or challenges, you become someone who inflates their ego with war stories." This also burned itself into my mental dictionary and refuses to fade.
Too many people flash through my mind.
Honestly, though, recently I've felt that just calling it "uncool" isn't enough. The speech of people who stop challenging themselves deteriorates over time in this order:
"Uncool" → "Creepy" → "Pathetic"
And this deterioration happens almost automatically.
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When your drawer runs dry, people start fighting with the past
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This is especially obvious at izakayas (Japanese pubs). People whose new inputs have stopped find that their conversation topics are limited to "past success stories."
"Back when I was young..." "That project was huge..."
(I think everyone knows the look on the listener's face: "Didn't I hear this before?")
It's a brutally cruel structure. When your drawer is empty, you can only fill conversations with the past.
Worse, while you think you're sharing experiences, others clearly see:
"This person has no new stories anymore."
The truly troublesome part is that the person doesn't notice this deterioration. Because they aren't challenging themselves, they have no benchmark for comparison and can't even recognize that their drawer is empty.
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"Uncool" → "Creepy" → "Pathetic" progresses in stages
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Here is the main point. The speech of those who stop challenging themselves deteriorates in three stages.
Stage 1: Uncool
You only talk about the past. "I used to be great" becomes your catchphrase. It starts smelling like excuses.
However, if you rely solely on past inventory, your material will inevitably wear out. If you talk to the same person for a year, you won't even have ten unique stories left. What you do with the shortage determines your progression to the next stage.
Stage 2: Creepy
You start exaggerating even your past stories. You embellish ordinary events, and the facade becomes transparent. Everyone else sees through it, but only you don't realize it. Honestly, it's creepy.
There's a ceiling to how much you can exaggerate. After you've maxed out the embellishment, all that's left is repeating the same story again.
Stage 3: Pathetic
Even the exaggerated past stories run out, and you loop the same war stories repeatedly. Your conversation has zero nutritional value. You don't even get a polite "Wow, impressive." Your emptiness leaks out in every direction.
These three stages progress automatically if you aren't doing anything new. Good-natured people progress; sincere people progress. The only condition is "not doing anything new."
There is only one way to stop it: keep updating your drawer with new challenges.
So, I hold onto one question:
"Can you name one thing you did for the first time in the last month?"
If you can't answer this, it means you haven't added a month's worth of material to what you can say. Also, if you must talk about the past, don't present it with the original interpretation. Don't just say, "That project was huge." Say, "Looking back now, I think that project was 90% luck." If your interpretation has been updated, even a past story becomes a present story.
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Why the words of challengers resonate
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Conversely, the reason stories from people currently challenging themselves are interesting is simple: their failure stories are fresh.
Not big or small failures, but because they are stumbling in real-time, their stories have body heat. There is a rawness that makes listeners feel, "I get it."
The difference between war stories and failure stories is essentially a difference in tense.
People who can only speak in the past tense vs. people who can speak in the present tense. Which kind of story would you rather listen to? It goes without saying.
By the way, in my early twenties, there was a period when I was complacent and didn't input anything. I was right in the middle of Stage 1. From an outsider's perspective, I must have looked pretty uncool.
I'm glad I didn't validate myself as I was back then.
That's why I'm certain: people who continue to challenge themselves generate gravity in their speech simply by doing so.
I believe that what you are doing now determines the credibility of your words more than what you say.
That said, laughing together over old war stories strengthens bonds among those people, which I think is very good.
Conversations with childhood friends from middle and high school can include that kind of silly banter. I often laugh hysterically with my best friend over stupid stories, again and again.
...FIN
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With the mission "More valuable voices, further and deeper," I operate X advisory services and communities for executives.
Hardworking, sincere people often go unrecognized simply because they aren't known. To eliminate this injustice, I am building the community with the highest dissemination power in Japan. (Currently 220 companies → Goal: 1,000 companies within 2 years)
▼ Details here
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Name: Hiroshi Kawagishi
Work: Co-CEO of DIL, Reframe CEO, ASTRA CEO, etc.
Business: X Advisory for Executives / General Design Services
Books: "1% Reading Technique," "Train Your Ears for 4x Speed Reading," "Why Do Some People's Words Resonate?"
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