"Hey, this kid seems gloomy... is he okay?"
About two or three years ago, when I first met a new employee at the company, that was honestly what I thought.
He didn't make eye contact, rarely smiled, and spoke in a low voice.
"Is he really okay?"
"I'm worried about putting him in front of clients."
"Can he even communicate internally?"
My first impression was nothing but anxiety.
However, as we worked together, my impression changed. Once he got used to it, he could communicate normally, speak while looking people in the eye, smile when appropriate, and handle his work without issues.
I had judged his entire character based solely on how he appeared initially. But for someone you are meeting for the first time, you have no choice but to judge them based on those first few minutes.
This time, I want to introduce "5 traits of people who lose out on first impressions," based on what I felt watching that new employee.
1. Speaking softly with inaudible sentence endings
In first meetings, how your voice sounds is just as impactful as what you are saying.
The greeting voice is small.
The self-introduction trails off.
Even when asked questions, they answer so quietly that the other person has to ask again.
The person might just be nervous. But to someone who doesn't know their situation, it can look like "they lack confidence" or "they don't want to talk."
That new employee wasn't completely unintelligible, but his voice remained subdued from start to finish, and there were times I had to ask him to repeat himself.
Seeing that before knowing his work ethic made me anxious as the person assigning tasks. That's why I thought, "Is it safe to put him in front of clients?"
So I told him, "You should consciously speak louder than you think you need to."
You don't need to shout all the time.
Just ensure your initial greeting and self-introduction reach the listener and finish clearly.
That alone changes how you are perceived significantly.
2. Rarely smiling, appearing stern
When nervous, faces tend to stiffen. Even if the person intends to listen seriously, they may appear grumpy to others.
That employee also had almost no facial expression during our first meeting. Because he didn't smile, it was hard to tell what he was thinking.
Even when I spoke to him, I couldn't tell if his tension had eased.
But once we started working together, he smiled normally. He understood jokes too.
He reacted properly when something funny happened.
In other words, he wasn't a person who never smiles; he just wasn't used to smiling upon first meeting people.
I told him, "You don't need to laugh loudly, but try to keep a smile."
You don't need to grin constantly.
Relax your expression slightly when greeting, when the other person smiles, or when a conversation ends.
Even a slight change makes you easier to approach.
3. Not making eye contact
Besides voice and expression, what bothered me most was his gaze.
He didn't meet my eyes when I spoke.
When answering, he looked down.
He wasn't blatantly avoiding me, but it was unclear if my message was getting through.
Lack of eye contact makes the other person uneasy, wondering, "Am I being avoided?" or "Are they not interested?" Even if the person doesn't mean it that way, misunderstandings are common in first meetings.
Later, I learned that due to the pandemic, he had minimized physical contact, relied mostly on online communication, and wore masks constantly. He had never considered how he appeared to others when meeting face-to-face.
He said he didn't know what to do.
Hearing this, I finally understood why he struggled. It wasn't bad attitude.
Since he had few opportunities to learn face-to-face etiquette, I advised him, "It's better to look people in the eye when speaking."
You don't need to stare. Just turn your face toward the person when greeting, responding, or starting to speak. Start there.
4. Thin reactions, conversations stall
When nervous in first meetings, people often don't know how to respond.
They pause to think after questions.
Responses end with "Yes" or "I see."
There are few nods or back-channeling cues when the other person speaks.
The person might be trying hard not to be rude by thinking carefully. But to the listener, it's unclear if the message landed, causing hesitation and stalling the conversation.
You don't need clever replies. Simply reacting with "I see" or "Interesting" shows you are listening.
Good conversationalists aren't just those who tell interesting stories.
They react when spoken to.
If there's a pause, they ask a question.
These short exchanges make the other person feel comfortable talking.
I told him, "We're in Osaka, so instead of only serious talk, adding some humor will resonate better with clients."
Occasionally joking back can change the atmosphere significantly.
Indeed, he has now become capable of cracking jokes.
5. Unaware of how they appear to others
After talking to him, I realized this was the biggest issue.
He wasn't aware that his voice was soft, he rarely smiled, or he avoided eye contact.
He hadn't tried to improve his first impression and failed; he simply had never considered how he appeared to others.
From his perspective, he was just talking normally. But the impression seen by others was different.
Without this awareness, people end up saying, "I'm shy," or "I get nervous, so it can't be helped." You don't need to change your personality, but you should be conscious of your presentation.
I told him, "You have good material. Speak louder than you think, look people in the eye, and try to smile a bit more."
Focusing only on flaws destroys confidence. Acknowledging their strengths while giving specific advice on what to change makes it easier for them to act.
Gradually, his voice, gaze, and expressions improved. Since he wasn't incapable of communication, he became natural as he gained experience.
Summary
People who lose out on first impressions often fail to convey their inherent qualities in the first few minutes.
- Soft voice with inaudible endings
- Rarely smiling, appearing stern
- Avoiding eye contact
- Thin reactions, stalling conversations
- Unaware of their own appearance
The new employee I met five years ago initially worried me about client interactions, but he turned out to be perfectly capable.
Once he understood how he appeared and started being mindful, his first impressions improved dramatically. Now he cracks jokes and is well-liked by clients.
Changing all five at once is difficult. If you are meeting someone new, try looking at them and greeting them with a slightly louder voice than usual. Start there.
Finally
Even if your first impression is poor, changing your voice, gaze, and expression slightly can alter how others perceive you.
The same applies to experience built as an employee.
Change how you present it, and it becomes valuable outside the company too.
I started X (Twitter) at age 40 and gained 8,000 followers in 9 months.
I began earning income outside my company.
If you had an extra tens of thousands of yen per month besides your salary...
- You could say "Sure" to your child wanting swimming lessons without worrying about fees.
- You could occasionally buy beef instead of pork at the supermarket.
- You could add Häagen-Dazs for your family, not just yourself.
It's not life-changing wealth.
But it reduces daily small sacrifices.
For those wanting such small luxuries, I summarized how a 40-year-old office worker with no SNS experience earned side income on note.
How a 40-Year-Old Office Worker Earned Side Income via X
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