In our house, it's a habit to do morning study with my daughter before she goes to school. Some days I think, "It's great to study together. This is a limited-time experience, so I should cherish it." But when I'm short on time or energy, I sometimes end up getting frustrated. This is a story about that.
Getting frustrated when she can't do something I've taught before
When we're studying together in the morning, I get irritated when she can't do something I've already explained once. Of course, I don't expect her to master it after one explanation, but it usually happens when I'm feeling rushed. I end up getting impatient.
"Wait, we did this before, didn't we?"
"I taught you how to solve this, right?"
"Why do you keep forgetting?"
I end up nagging her like that. Naturally, it's unpleasant and annoying for a child. But I still say it.
Even for adults, if you're asked if you perfectly remember everything explained at work the first time, it's pretty doubtful. I don't even understand how to use a new system after hearing it three times...
And yet, I expect a child to "remember it in one go." This might be a case of projecting too much of my own parental convenience.
Things don't always stick the first time. It takes repeated practice to finally master something. As a parent, I have to keep telling myself that parenting is a process of repetition. Impatience leads to loss. Yes, I'm reflecting on this.
Her attention wanders to other things
When my 5th-grade daughter finishes a section of her studies, she immediately gets bored and tries to do something else.
As a parent, I want to move on to the next unit quickly, but she starts talking about something else in the middle. She fiddles with her pencil. She starts looking at a different page. Her focus just drifts. When that happens, I get really irritated. I feel like, "I'm sacrificing my precious morning time to help you study!" It makes me want to scream.
But when I think about it, I should start with the premise that children are naturally prone to getting bored.
In fact, if an elementary schooler stayed perfectly focused on solving problems all morning, that would be a bit scary. An elementary schooler silently and stoically solving drills from 7:00 AM... it's impressive, but maybe a bit much.
With that in mind, I set the schedule based on the assumption that she will get bored. Even though it's "morning study," it's only about 30 to 40 minutes. What I keep in mind for the schedule is: first, do a 5-minute morning drill. Next, preview the textbook just a little bit. Finally, review a previous test and only go over the parts she got wrong. Even just that much seems to make schoolwork easier if continued every day.
As a parent, I honestly want her to solve more practice problems. I feel like she's not doing enough exercises for tests. With just a short time in the morning, the volume is inevitably insufficient.
If I try to do everything in the morning, I get rushed. The child senses that impatience and starts to hate studying. This is the one thing I want to avoid at all costs.
Morning study isn't meant to make her hate studying; I want it to be a time where she feels, "I might be able to do this if I try a little." Thanks to morning study, she can transition smoothly into her school lessons.
Giving up the flesh to cut the bone
The most important thing I believe in for morning study is the idea of "giving up the flesh to cut the bone" (making a small sacrifice for a greater gain).
For example, if my daughter can't concentrate, even if we have 30 minutes for morning study, I might spend about 20 minutes just chatting with her. Normally, you'd think that's a waste of time, but if those first 20 minutes get her in the right mood and she can power through the remaining 10 minutes, then that's fine.
If she happens to be interested in social studies that day, we can do social studies together until she's satisfied. Yesterday, we studied "Okinawa Prefecture" the whole time. Things like how there are many US military bases, how they use mortar to secure roof tiles because of frequent typhoons, specialties like mangoes, pineapples, and sugarcane, and the warm Kuroshio current.
As a parent, I really want her to do math or work on her weak subjects, but I put her first. Finally, in the remaining time, we do a little bit of the subjects I want her to do or her weak subjects.
What's important for a child isn't just being able to solve one difficult problem in front of them. What's more important is capturing the feeling that "studying might be fun" or "I can do this." If they study happily and with momentum, they might start to like learning itself.
If a parent forces things at their own pace and according to their own desires, the child won't be convinced. In the process, they'll grow to hate studying. In the long run, that's a huge waste. So, with a long-term perspective, I try to enjoy studying together with my child.
A daughter who doesn't want to get too far ahead in previews
My daughter doesn't want to get too far ahead with her previews. She wants to put on the brakes, saying, "We've only done this much at school, so this is enough for today."
As a parent, I want her to keep moving forward. I want to do math, English, social studies, science, and Japanese. Since we've established a morning study habit, I want to use this time more effectively. That's how I tend to feel.
On the other hand, my daughter has her own pace. If she gets too far out of sync with school lessons, she gets anxious. If she does something she hasn't learned yet, she gets frustrated because she doesn't understand it.
Parents often think, "If you do it now, it'll be easier later," but in reality, that kind of foresight doesn't translate to a child.
The goal of morning study isn't just to increase the amount of advanced learning; it's to ensure she doesn't have a negative impression of studying. Even if there's something she doesn't understand, she can feel that it's okay if she thinks about it with her parents. I want her to think, "Maybe I'll ask Dad when I get home." That's the stance I take every day.
In conclusion
When studying with your child, there are days when you just get frustrated. They're children, so that's only natural.
During elementary school, the priority should be making them think that studying might be surprisingly fun and that they might as well sit at their desk.
In the long run, that should make the child enjoy studying in the future. I'm putting this into practice as a "negative example" of how I was raised with constant nagging. I hope you'll give it a try. That's all.
