I don't like my "bad self," of course.
But I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to be changed, and somewhere deep down, I felt a strange comfort in staying as my "bad self." This cycle continued for me.
In fields like cognitive psychology, this phenomenon is described:
Even if the image is negative—such as "I'm no good," "I won't be loved," or "My life will inevitably fail"—
if you recognize "that is who I am," you unconsciously tend to attract or repeat choices and situations that do not betray that image.
Furthermore, people often find comfort in "predictable states," even if they are painful. For the heart, familiar suffering can feel safer than unknown change.
Humans have a nature that resists change.
This is due to a mechanism called "Psychological Homeostasis." It rejects change and tries to maintain a constant state.
As a result, without strong external pressure or intense willpower, people tend to maintain the status quo.
Our brains judge that
"We are surviving as we are, so there is no need to change," and when we try to start new habits (like getting certifications or dieting) or challenges (like changing jobs or starting side hustles), it pulls us back to our original state.
You reading this have probably stalled on something at least once.
For example, suppose someone feels stuck in their current job and decides to start studying or taking on challenges to improve their skills.
They might use time previously spent scrolling on their phone after work for study, or begin unfamiliar input processes.
Then, the brain perceives this change and attacks with feelings like:
"You can barely survive with your current job alone, so why bother doing tiring things?"
"It's more comfortable to lounge in bed after coming home. Let's go back to your old life."
Gradually, one settles back into the identity of the "bad self," and it becomes fixed.
In reality, if you can survive, it might be fine, and perhaps that is truly okay. However, such a life is also an act of continuously postponing your true feelings. The mind gradually wears out, potentially leading to depressive states or depression.
Wanting to change but being unable to—
When deep internal self-alienation occurs, we tend to seek dramatic changes (a single breakthrough) that overturn our past "bad self" in one blow.
Such actions are fueled by strong self-denial of "who I am now."
Therefore, the step we need is not "self-transformation," but "self-congruence."
The single breakthrough of "changing the bad self" attempts to rewrite self-image and faces resistance.
In fact, what the heart truly seeks is not "becoming a respectable person," but gradually closing the gap between what you think (true feelings) and what you do (actions).
[→ [Continue in note article] Concrete methods to move forward in life without clinging to the "bad self" identity](https://note.com/tsumugi_utatabi/n/n04fdd82ac926
