"Hurry up and eat"—if you're raising children, you might find yourself saying this over and over. My family used to be the same way.
They start eating, then space out. Before I know it, their chopsticks have stopped. They have food in their mouth but are thinking about something else. Beside them, I would repeatedly say, "It's getting cold," "Everyone else is finished," and "Hurry up and eat."
To be honest, watching it made me frustrated.
The table wouldn't get cleared, there were other plans, and I just wanted it to be over. There were days when I thought, "Just get on with it already..."
But looking back now after raising three children, I realize that kids often aren't being slow out of malice.
Back then, I lacked the mental space to see it, but now I feel I can look at it differently.
If you are currently facing the "slow eating" problem, this perspective might make things a little easier.
Not a "Child Who Won't Eat," But a "Reason It's Hard to Eat"
Through research and reading at the time, I learned that when a meal takes a long time, it's important to look for the reason first.
When you think about it, there are quite a few reasons.
Some days they are distracted by the TV. Some days they ate too many snacks. Sometimes they aren't hungry yet, or it's a menu they dislike. Fatigue or mood can also have an impact.
We reviewed our own home environment.
When we turned off the TV during meals, they finished surprisingly quickly. When we reduced afternoon snacks, they ate more enthusiastically.
It's obvious, but if they're full, they won't eat, and if they're distracted, they'll stop.
Previously, I only looked at the fact that they weren't eating and ignored the reasons why.
But just as adults have days where they have no appetite or don't feel like eating, children have those days too.
The More You Rush Them, the More They Dislike Eating
Another thing I noticed was that rushing them often had the opposite effect.
The more I said "Hurry up," the more they stopped. Their faces would cloud over, and I would get even more frustrated. It was a complete vicious cycle.
One day, I tried changing things up.
Instead of rushing the eating, I asked, "How was your day?" or "What did you play?" Surprisingly, they finished eating more naturally than usual.
Of course, it doesn't work every time.
But I realized then that mealtime isn't just for taking in nutrients; it's also a time to feel safe and relaxed.
For a child, there are days when "being able to eat calmly" is more important than "eating properly."
Small Adjustments Make It Easier for Both Parent and Child
Here are some things that were surprisingly effective for our family:
- Turn off the TV during meals
- Review the timing and amount of snacks
- Serve smaller portions to increase the experience of finishing a meal
- Use favorite plates
- Acknowledge them when they take a bite
- Allow for a little more time
You don't have to do everything. Just trying one thing can significantly change the atmosphere.
In parenting, I feel it's often easier to create an environment where the child can succeed rather than trying to force a change in their behavior.
Summary
Raising three kids has taught me that they aren't "kids who won't eat," but often "kids who have a reason why it's hard to eat."
So, observe a little before rushing. Make a small adjustment before trying to "fix" them. That alone can change mealtime.
Of course, there isn't always room for patience. I used to think "Hurry up..." all the time too.
But just stopping once to ask, "Why isn't the food going down?" helps the parent feel a bit easier.
Even if it's just for today's meal, try reducing "Hurry up and eat" by one and ask, "Is there a reason it's hard to eat?" instead. It's okay if things don't change immediately.
In the long run, parenting might be easier when we look for ways to help them succeed rather than just making them obey.
