I am fundamentally a believer in the "theory of innate badness."
I rarely take people's words at face value; I'm the type who always wonders if there's a hidden message behind them, looking at things from a rather cynical perspective.
I especially tend to turn on this "cynical antenna" for the filler phrases (makurakotoba) that everyone uses in business settings.
For example, the moment someone says, "I'm sorry, my understanding hasn't quite caught up," I think, "This definitely means my explanation was confusing."
Or when they say, "I haven't been able to read all the materials yet," I think, "Maybe I sent too many documents."
I find myself overthinking the unspoken meanings.
I probably shouldn't do it.
It's a waste of brain CPU.
So, I've decided to write down how I interpret these filler phrases that waste my brain power, as a sort of memorandum.
1. The "Attacking While Acting Humble" Type
The first category is the type that attacks you while acting humble. It's a prologue that says, "I'm acting polite, but a very critical point is coming."
So, if you let your guard down thinking, "Oh, they're being humble," you might get hit with a massive critical punch a few seconds later. You should stay alert after these phrases. In academia, "I'm just a novice, so this might be a basic question" is famous; this is the business version.
"I'm sorry, my understanding hasn't caught up yet"
"I'm sorry I don't understand..."
"I'm sorry my understanding hasn't caught up..."
"I'm sorry my understanding is insufficient..."
"It might just be me who doesn't get it, but..."
On the surface, it's just "I'm sorry I don't understand."
But the real meaning is: "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about." It's a filler phrase used to convey that message very, very politely.
The questions that follow this phrase are quite dangerous.
"What was the main point of this document again?"
"Who is this document for, and what do we want them to do?"
If such fundamental questions follow, I take it to mean: "You failed at the basics, go back and do it right, you idiot."
Of course, 1 out of 10 times, they might truly lack background knowledge.
But if a fundamental question follows "my understanding hasn't caught up," it's almost certain. It's safer to assume it means "I don't know what you're saying."
"I'm sorry, I haven't been able to look through all the materials yet"
This depends on the situation. For instance, if you sent the meeting materials right before the meeting, you're in trouble.
The real meaning: "Don't send stuff at the last minute, you idiot."
Send it earlier. And if it's long, specify which parts are important before inviting me. That's what it means (the translation is somehow longer than the original).
"I'm sorry if my understanding is wrong"
They don't actually think they're wrong. Usually, people who say this are exactly right.
A liberal translation would be: "Are you seriously saying that?" Like, "You're saying 1 plus 1 equals 3, do you really believe that?" or "How did you even reach that conclusion?"
Usually, this is followed by "Is my understanding correct that...?" where they just repeat exactly what you said.
Stay alert for the nuance: "Is my logic so wrong, or is yours just completely off?" It might sound paranoid, but it's better to take it that way and improve.
"I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but..."
If they really thought you were the "choir" (an expert), they wouldn't preach. This phrase actually means, "I don't think you know this, so I'm going to explain it now."
It's often used to mean: "Why aren't you doing what anyone would think is obvious? Huh?"
"With all due respect / If I may be so bold"
On the surface: "I know I'm not in a position to say this, but I must." Usually used by subordinates to superiors.
The translation: "Don't make me have to be bold."
As in, "You get paid more than me, so you should have thought of this." It's a push from below.
"Why didn't you consider this?"
"I'm going to end up doing your job for you, you idiot."
You should take the advice following "With all due respect" very, very seriously.
So, the moment I hear "With all due respect," I think, "Ah, I missed something."
"Maybe my explanation was poor"
This is the reverse pattern.
"Maybe my explanation was poor..."
"Maybe that was a bit confusing..."
The person who explained says this.
The real meaning: "Why can't you understand this?"
It's used when they feel, "Do I really have to break it down this much for you?"
At least, that's what my cynical self thinks.
Similar examples:
"At the risk of repeating myself..."
"I'm sorry to repeat this, but..."
These also contain the nuance of "Don't make me say it again."
Of course, I don't use them with that meaning.
Those were the critical filler phrases disguised as humility.
2. The "Praise Then Drop" Type
Next is a different system: praising first, then dropping the hammer.
We live in an era where harassment is strictly monitored. Many managers have taken training and studied feedback textbooks to avoid being sued. Those textbooks say: "First, give praise. Say something positive, then give the negative feedback you actually want to deliver."
This has become ingrained in many modern managers.
These phrases come from wise managers.
"First of all, thank you"
When there is absolutely nothing to praise, this is the signal that "I am about to grill you."
A typical follow-up is: "First of all, thank you. Now, let me check some fundamental points." This image captures that feeling perfectly:
https://x.com/narisumashi100/status/2051855692198486171
This is also what goes on in my head when I'm the one saying it.
The word "First of all."
If the first thing is a thank you, it's a preview that the second thing won't be.
Plus, it doesn't say what they are thanking you for. At this point, they can only thank you for the fact that you did the work at all.
In fact, to go even further...
I've written the rest on Note, so please check it out if you'd like!
