The brutal psychology of confidence, influence, attraction, and getting what you want.
By: Day
Nobody wants to admit the worst person they know is doing better than them.
They drive the nicer car.
Have the Better House.
They smile more.
Somehow always have the Hot girl on their hip who’d run through hell and steal the devil’s pitchfork if he asked.
They have more money. Fitter. They got invited to the thing, and you found out from the photos the next morning.
Good things, happening to bad people.
Well. From where you’re standing down there, squinting up at it, I suppose that’s exactly what it looks like.
I choose to live with my eyes wide fucking open.
Do YOU?
HUMAN BEINGS ARE EMBARRASSINGLY EASY TO HACK.
The average human being is about as sharp as a shaved ape in a wrinkled Target fit, prey eyes scanning the room from the corner, looking for signs of wHo iS iMpOrTaNt.
Humans act like Shaved monkeys, sniffing each other for rank.
Who walked in with who?
Who laughed the least?
Who left without saying goodbye?
Who looked the best?
That one gets to be the Big Gorilla for the night.
The rest of you stand around with your dumbass chimp gaze, waiting to be told who to worship.
Look. This is so easy it’s embarrassing.
Stand up straight.
Act like you’re already that GUY.
Speak slow and full, with the whole breath of your lungs, not like some asthma-attacked infant-lunged fuck gasping out an apology for being audible.
Don’t treat other men like gods.
Don’t act like a fan.
Look good while you do all of it.
Welly well now You just found the cheat code to the human animal.
A few weeks back. North Shore. I’d been writing since the sun crawled up out of the ocean, eyes fried to raisins from the screen, so I wandered down to this little coffee shop in Haleiwa to go bribe my brain with espresso.
I walk in and FUCKING Kelly Slater is standing right there.
The greatest surfer to ever touch water. In the flesh. Ordering coffee like a mortal.
Inside, I’m losing it. Outside, I decided to run an experiment.
I’d treat the GOAT like any other bald guy in line.
“Yo. You waiting on the best espresso in Hawaii, or just guarding it?”
Slater starts laughing. “Already ordered, hot shot. That one’s mine, they’re smoking it up in the back.”
I order mine and keep it rolling like he’s an old buddy from the gym.
“Gotta fuel up for the waves. Heard there’s a few tigers cruising out near sunset, but it’s the first real swell. Might have to go risk a leg.”
“It’s pumping. I was out at Rocky Point this morning.”
We talked waves a while. He left.
The girl behind the counter leans halfway over the espresso machine, eyes blown out to the size of dinner plates.
“Did you... know who that was?”
“Course I did.”
She looked at me like I’d just strolled across the water Slater surfs on.
THE EXPERIMENT WORKED.
Kelly stood there shooting the shit with me three times longer than he ever would have if I’d come slithering up like every other chimp on the island that morning, phone out, voice cracking, begging for a photo to prove to strangers online that he once breathed near greatness.
I didn’t need the photo. I AM the photo.
Here are 50 toxic behaviors that’ll get you ahead in life.
Try not to get too offended before the end, actually sit with it. Or don’t, rage out and apecomment some shit below, that works for me too.
WELLY WELLY WELLY WELLY WELL. LET’S FUCKING GO.
1) Be selfish faster than they can guilt-trip you.
The selfish eat first and sleep like babies. The people pleaser gets a touching speech at his funeral and jack shit before it.
2) Be funny and they’ll forgive almost any cruelty.
You can say anything to anyone as long as you make them laugh.
3) Say the thing with total confidence and nobody checks if it’s true.
Be dead certain about anything and half the room pulls out a notepad.
4) Be the first to walk away.
The other person is left standing there with his finger in his ass.
5) Treat people like they’re replaceable and they’ll hand you their soul.
The second somebody smells you’d survive fine without them, they start auditioning for the role of your favorite person. Validation seeking pussies… the lot of them.
6) Ask for more than you deserve.
Reasonable people receive reasonable lives. The shameless bastard who asks for twice the money, the better table, and the impossible exception usually gets all three.
7) Go colder the second they open up.
Nothing builds obsession like a door easing shut just as they reach for the knob.
8) Never fully commit. Keep one boot out the door.
The one who could vanish tomorrow names every price and picks every restaurant.
9) Confidence beats skill, and it isn’t close.
The talented guy waits to be discovered and gets nothing but life’s fist up their ass. The confident shamelss guy discovers himself out loud and mails life the invoice and they pay it.
10) Be a little rude to powerful people.
They’re drowning in yes men and brown nosers. Give the big dog some honesty and you’re the only one he remembers in the morning. Deference reads as weakness to the powerful.
Full essay: ALL 50 on SVBSTACK (LlNK IN BlO or C0MMENTS)
SVBSTACK: DAYDAYDAY
