"I'm bad at networking."
"I get exhausted talking to people for the first time."
Many introverts struggle with these issues.
Most communication techniques in the world focus on extroverted approaches like "acting bright" or "proactively starting conversations."
But trying to force those practices can lead to physical and mental exhaustion.
There are people who are deeply loved by those around them without having to force a bright persona.
A prime example is Kazunari Ninomiya of the group Arashi.
Despite being a self-proclaimed homebody who says, "I spend my days off just playing games at home," he never ceases to attract people across all ages and positions, from veteran actors to juniors.
Why does he attract people so much without aggressively pushing himself forward?
Breaking down his communication style reveals hints for introverts to build relationships of trust without overextending themselves.
I want to talk about that today.
1. Lower the Conversation Hurdle with Self-Disclosure and "Concretization."
One situation introverts struggle with is conversation upon first meeting.
The question, "What do you do on your days off?"
It seems friendly, but it's actually a high-burden question for the person answering.
Many have experienced not knowing what to say, giving a generic answer, and having the conversation die there.
However, I think some introverts feel that "talking about oneself is inherently painful."
Feelings like: my daily life isn't interesting, it's embarrassing to talk about myself, or I don't even know what to talk about.
But looking at what Kazunari Ninomiya does, the hurdle for self-disclosure drops significantly.
He shows his unadorned daily life first, saying, "I just play games at home all the time..."
It's not an amazing story or a boast.
Rather, by putting forward his "unremarkable self" first, the other person's guard naturally drops.
Self-disclosure isn't about telling impressive stories.
It's about showing your true, slightly pathetic self.
Moreover, that becomes the shortest route to giving the other person the peace of mind that "this person isn't putting on airs."
People who aren't good at talking about themselves don't need to try to tell amazing stories.
Just start by sharing small daily things—what you ate today, what you do on your days off, or what's been on your mind lately.
That alone lowers the conversation hurdle instantly.
2. The Strongest Foundation is "Flat Politeness to Everyone."
It's often said that people good at communication have "charm."
But the prerequisite for charm is thorough respect.
One reason Kazunari Ninomiya is widely loved by everyone from veteran actors to juniors is his consistent, sincere politeness.
He is highly regarded by veterans like Sayuri Yoshinaga because his attitude toward co-stars and staff is consistent.
The important point here is that he isn't sucking up to people.
People who suck up change their attitude based on the other person's status or title.
Sensitive people see through that immediately.
But Ninomiya treats everyone with the same level of warmth.
Polite to those above, and courteous to those below.
That consistency gives the other person the security that "this person is trustworthy."
I believe this is a highly reproducible strategy for introverts.
Even without charm or great speaking skills, you can be consistently polite to everyone. That alone significantly changes how others perceive you.
3. The Comfort of Sharing "Time Doing Nothing."
Something people bad at communication often do is talk too much out of fear of silence.
From the pressure to liven up the place, they force topics and try to force laughs.
But that can sometimes exhaust the other person.
If someone thinks, "I have to be careful around this person," the relationship won't grow.
An impressive episode regarding Kazunari Ninomiya is his relationship with Daiki Arioka.
It's the ultimate "subtraction communication" where he just lets the other person watch him play games.
Instead of keeping a conversation going, you create a time where it's okay just to be in the same space.
Making someone feel "I don't have to be careful around this person" actually creates the best sense of comfort.
However, some of you reading this might think, "Even so, I'm worried about the silence."
I understand.
The urge to fill the silence is truly painful for introverts.
In those moments, there is one thing I want you to be mindful of.
Reframe silence not as something to "fill," but as something to "savor."
The other person is often thinking about something or just relaxing during the silence.
Silence isn't a failure of communication; it can be proof that both parties are at ease.
In practice, when silence falls, don't scramble for words. Just look at something in front of you or return to a previous topic with a simple, "That story earlier was interesting."
The anxiety of trying to fill the silence being transmitted to the other person actually makes things more uncomfortable than the silence itself.
You can practice not fearing silence bit by bit.
4. Add "Lightness" and "Humor" when Pointing Out Truths.
Introverts have a high ability to see the essence of things because they think deeply.
But if you put that into words exactly as it is, it can become too heavy.
A logical argument might be correct.
But if that logic makes the atmosphere heavy, the other person will shrink back.
Even if your point gets across, it can crack the relationship.
Ninomiya is exquisite at this.
While hitting the mark, he adds humor so as not to make the atmosphere heavy.
He also has the skill to lighten the tone by mixing in self-deprecation.
He looks at things from an angle but never makes the other person uncomfortable.
I believe this is a skill introverts should hone.
The power to think deeply is a strength of the introverted type.
But instead of putting those thoughts out as they are, wrap them in lightness and humor first.
That alone completely changes how the same content is received.
I believe that is what it means to refine one's words.
You Can Win People Over While Remaining Introverted.
You don't need to force yourself to be bright. You don't need to proactively start conversations.
You don't need to exhaust yourself trying to liven up the room.
The weapons introverts possess are actually enough to compete as they are.
The power to think deeply, the power to observe others, the sincerity of being polite, and the calmness of not fearing silence.
These are things extroverts cannot easily mimic.
There is just one thing I want you to be mindful of.
Make sure to put those weapons out there.
Introverts lose out not because they lack ability, but because they aren't putting out what they have.
A word of self-disclosure, politeness with the same warmth for everyone, the composure to not fear silence, and humor that lightly wraps the essence.
None of these are grand things.
You don't have to change yourself.
Just try turning what you have slightly outward.
That alone will definitely change how the world sees you.
@shibuyakumin888
