Honestly, it's better not to have distortions at all.
In my 20s, whenever I made a mistake at work or was corrected by my boss, I would always evaluate myself as "weak."
Why can't I do it?
Why do I always stumble?
Even when I thought that way, I rarely faced the question of "So, what should I do?" concretely. In the end, all I could do was grit my teeth and push through, believing that I "just wasn't trying hard enough."
But no matter how hard I tried, things didn't go well. I'd stumble in the same places, blame myself the same way, and try hard again. I was stuck in that loop.
The turning point was learning about the thinking habit called "cognitive distortions."
Cognitive distortions are mental habits where you can't perceive things accurately, and your intake and interpretation become biased. As a result, even in situations that aren't actually that bad, you feel like you're the only one being blamed or end up suffering more than necessary.
This tendency exists in everyone, but being bound by prejudice, irrationality, or unrealistic assumptions can lead to intense stress and trouble in human relationships.
There are roughly 10 patterns of cognitive distortion, so please take a quick look.
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
Seeing things in extremes—black or white, perfect or a total failure. Example: "I didn't get 100, so it's a complete failure."
2. Overgeneralization
Deciding that a single event will continue forever. Example: "I failed this time, so I'll always fail."
3. Mental Filter
Focusing only on one negative aspect and ignoring the positives. Example: 90% of a presentation was a success, but worrying only about one mistake.
4. Disqualifying the Positive
Turning good events into "no-counts" for some reason. Example: "They praised me, but they must be just being polite."
5. Jumping to Conclusions
Reaching pessimistic conclusions without evidence. Includes "Mind Reading" (assuming others think ill of you) and "Fortune Telling" (predicting a bad outcome).
6. Magnification and Minimization
Exaggerating your failures or others' successes, while downplaying your successes or others' failures.
7. Emotional Reasoning
Judging reality based on your emotions. Example: "I feel anxious, so my life must be worthless."
8. "Should" Statements
Imposing strict rules on yourself or others with "should" or "must." Feeling guilt or anger when they aren't met.
9. Labeling
Attaching negative labels to yourself or others based on a single event. Example: Making one mistake and saying "I'm a useless person."
10. Personalization
Taking responsibility for things that aren't your fault. Example: "The team failed because of me" (even when there are many factors).
When I learned these 10 patterns, I thought:
"Ah, this is exactly what I was doing."
I particularly related to #1 All-or-Nothing Thinking and #10 Personalization. I'd think "everything is ruined" over one mistake and feel responsible for the whole team's problems.
However, just knowing didn't change anything. Even if I knew what cognitive distortions were in my head, by the time I noticed them, I was already depressed. I just couldn't catch my thoughts before being swallowed by them.
That's when I started "Morning Pages" for 10 minutes every morning.
https://x.com/tsumugi_utatabi/status/2011762151623704610
When you wake up in the morning, just for 10 minutes, write down whatever words come to mind exactly as they come.
The effects of Morning Pages are said to include organizing thoughts and emotions, mental detox, stress reduction, improved self-esteem, and increased creativity and focus.
Through practice, I found two specific benefits.
First, the morning is when you can be most honest with your feelings. At night, you're tired and your thoughts distort; during the day, you cover things up with logic. But words written in the morning, before talking to anyone, are very honest.
Before putting on a social face or meeting others' expectations, your raw emotions are there.
You can recognize them first. Then, strangely, no matter how much you adapt to your surroundings during the day, a core remains: "But this is how I felt this morning." Even if you're swept away, there's a part of you that isn't completely lost. That became a salvation.
Second, I started feeling "interested" in myself.
As I write, a perspective of observing myself emerges: "Oh, I'm thinking this right now" or "I always fall into this pattern at times like this." It's a feeling of just looking and saying "Huh," without blaming or denying.
In particular, this distance of being "interested" became a huge salvation for me.
