I work at a company that makes hypnosis apps.
Since I work there, I have no choice. Do hypnosis apps really exist? They do. Because our company makes them. The CEO is a genius. However, this company is full of problems. You could say it's nothing but problems.
First of all, the CEO's business sense is nonexistent.
To give you an idea of how bad it is, despite making hypnosis apps, his business model is "ad revenue."
There are three major problems with putting ads in a hypnosis app.
- Frequent accidents where users accidentally look at the hypnosis screen while trying to skip ads.
Well, they brought that on themselves, so there's not much to be done. Our hypnosis app is incredibly powerful, so the results are intense. Besides, smartphones aren't really designed for showing hypnosis screens to people in the first place.
- The products in the ads sell like crazy.
Naturally, this is the result of users who caught a glimpse of the hypnosis screen becoming obedient to the ads. It can't be helped, but I think our company deserves much higher ad rates. We shouldn't be wasting our time displaying those weird block-clearing puzzles.
- No legitimate ad agencies will work with us.
Despite the results, because we are selling something called a "hypnosis app," decent advertisers stay away. Consequently, our ads are almost entirely trashy. Things like games that rip off other games that ripped off even older games—you know, the ones where you mix lava and water.
No matter how you look at it, the CEO's business sense is dead. He should just use a subscription model. We can literally hypnotize the customers. Getting them to sign up for an overpriced subscription would be easy.
Despite this situation, our company is actually in the black.
The biggest reason is that we are the only company in the industry that has developed a "real hypnosis app." No one else can do it. The app is built by the CEO based on his own unique theories, and it's not reproducible.
I've been trying to steal the CEO's techniques for a long time, but everything he says about hypnosis apps makes no sense. I keep working here without understanding a thing.
Specifically, it's stuff like this:
[The CEO's Hypnosis App Development Techniques]
- You have to make it feel, like, "BAM."
- There is a world of 0.5 pixels... in art.
- Code while thinking of the beauty of a rose.
- Programmers need to receive regular exorcisms.
- Make it feel like it's "looming" in certain places.
- Live like a single neon tetra.
- Make the chakra in your forehead resonate with the chakra in your crotch.
- When you write good code, you can feel the wind even indoors.
It's like that.
Lately, I've started to wonder if the CEO is even an engineer.
For one thing, he doesn't seem to understand programming very well. Also, his typing is abnormally slow. Not just by programmer standards, but even compared to an average office worker.
However, while the code the CEO writes is strangely inefficient, it's a fact that it functions. Something is just off. His work looks as if the code he needs to write is already written in an invisible notebook, and he's just typing it into a physical keyboard without understanding what it means.
"Want to grab a drink sometime?"
One day, I invited the CEO out. This was rare. Neither of us are big drinkers.
"Sure," he said.
We went to the family restaurant closest to the office. There was no reason other than proximity. Since we usually eat there anyway, "going for a drink" just meant adding a beer to our usual meal.
The CEO is a lightweight. One beer and his face was bright red.
"Hey, CEO. Let's just sell this tech to the US military or something."
"Do you want to live a life being monitored forever in exchange for high pay?"
"That sounds surprisingly realistic."
"I don't want to deal with the US military anymore."
"...Wait, you were involved with them?"
"Project Sargatanas..."
"Huh?"
"Only 21 people manifested the ability..."
"Is this some kind of joke?"
The CEO didn't answer; he was nodding off. He must have been tired.
Good grief. He's a handful.
Actually, I had received a job offer with better terms from elsewhere and was feeling conflicted. I suggested the drink so I could think it over. But... nothing really came up that would change my mind. It seems like this company will continue to struggle for money, and ten years from now, we might still be drinking beer at this family restaurant.
I think I'll stick with this guy a little longer.
Lately, I've started to understand what he means by "BAM"...
