You're told "I'll consider it," and then you never hear back.
You're asked for a discount, and the silence becomes so awkward that you lower the terms yourself.
You thought you said the right thing, but the other person's face darkens.
Whether a proposal passes or not isn't decided by the content. It's decided by whether you can follow the sequence that makes the other person want to say "Yes."
There is a book that organizes this "technique for drawing out a Yes" into just seven principles.
It is Robert Cialdini's Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, which has sold over 5 million copies worldwide.
I have used these seven principles many times on the front lines of nine different industries. When I did, a clear difference in effectiveness emerged. I will now list those seven in the order of their actual effectiveness.
About "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion"
The author is Robert Cialdini, a professor who taught psychology and marketing at Arizona State University.
He originally had doubts about himself. Why was he being talked into buying things he didn't need? Why did he open his wallet for organizations he had no intention of donating to?
To find the answer, he left the laboratory. For three years, he went undercover into the front lines of professions that make a living by getting people to say "Yes": used car sales, door-to-door sales, fundraising organizations, and advertising agencies.
Influence is the record of those experiences. It has sold over 5 million copies worldwide. He organizes the triggers that cause people to comply into seven principles.
I first encountered this book in my late 20s, when there were only six principles. I was greatly influenced by it and still respect it today. With the recent new edition, a seventh principle (Unity) was added, and I read it again.
For business people in positions involving many negotiations or for business owners, I believe all seven principles are weapons they should naturally be able to use.
Based on my own subjective bias, I want to talk about how the effectiveness differs when you actually use them in the field.
Since the age of 22, I have operated 20 restaurants, real estate, hair salons, detective agencies, purchase specialties, and product sales. Even though the affiliated companies, customers, and selling methods were different for each industry, I used these seven principles many times.
Here they are in order of effectiveness.
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[1st Place] Unity โ When they feel you are "on the same side"
This is the seventh principle Cialdini added in the new edition. Many people only know the six principles. That's exactly why mastering this makes it easier to gain an advantage.
Unity is the sense that "we are the same." It is one step deeper than "liking the other person." It is the feeling that "the other person and I are on the same side." When this is born, people become more likely to act beyond logic.
There is a reason I put this in first place. It's because I have worked in industries like detective work and purchasing, where people tend to be on guard.
In these types of businesses, customers are initially wary. No matter how much you explain the service to someone who is guarded, it won't resonate. What determined the closing of the deal was not the skill of the explanation. It was whether they felt, "This person is standing at the same eye level as me."
If you talk while maintaining the line between seller and buyer, the guard will not drop. Don't sit across from them with "your problem," but sit next to them with a "problem we want to solve together." When the subject changes to "we," the other person's expression softens.
The strength of this principle is that it is difficult to imitate. It's not a superficial technique. It's about whether you can truly stand on the other person's side, so a last-minute fix won't work.
Action plan you can do today:
Try changing the subject of your proposal from "you/your company" to "we" in just one place.
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[2nd Place] Reciprocity โ Give first, and good opportunities will come to you first
When people receive something, they feel they "must give something back." This feeling works more strongly than the person themselves realizes. Moreover, it works unconsciously.
Cialdini introduces an experiment. A person bought a can of soda for someone without being asked. Later, that person bought more expensive raffle tickets from the one who gave them the soda. The side that gave first collected much more later.
I realized this in location-based businesses. Whether it's a restaurant or a hair salon, most of the battle in store business is decided by the location. How quickly can you grab a good property?
So, where does good property information come from? It comes from real estate agents who are rooted in the area. That's why I gave value to the real estate contact first.
I would introduce excellent peers or tenants for vacant properties. I would help their business run first without asking for anything in return.
Then, property information before it went public would come to me first. It's about being on the side where people think, "I want to tell this person the good news first."
However, if the intent for a return is transparent, the effect disappears. You must first give something that truly benefits the other person. This is the condition.
Action plan you can do today:
Prepare one "value you can give without anything in return" to a business partner and give it first.
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[3rd Place] Authority โ You are more trusted when you show your weaknesses first
People tend to follow the judgment of someone they trust before thinking for themselves. That's why this principle works. However, many people use it incorrectly.
Authority is not about acting superior. It's about showing the grounds for why you are worthy of trust in a way the other person understands.
And what works best is not listing your strengths. It's honestly admitting a weakness first before talking about your strengths.
I realized this in my dealings with financial institutions. When talking about loans, many business owners only want to list good numbers. But I shared information about struggling stores first.
"This store is currently struggling for this reason."
"We are withdrawing from this store, but in its place, we are opening this new store."
Financial institutions find it easier to trust a business owner who honestly shares the current situation rather than one who only tells convenient stories. As a result, trust built up, which had a positive impact on loan evaluations.
Disclosing weaknesses does not erode trust. Rather, it often builds it up. The more you try to look perfect, the more the other person stays on guard and looks for flaws.
Action plan you can do today:
In a business meeting, honestly convey one of your company's weaknesses or challenges first before talking about your strengths.
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[4th Place] Scarcity โ It has immediate effect but is easy to break trust
People react more strongly to the pain of loss than to the benefit of gain. That's why "you will lose this if you miss it now" moves people more than "you can get this."
Limited quantity. Limited time. "I can't offer these terms next time."
These work because people want to avoid loss.
In the field of purchasing, this certainly worked.
"This price is only available until today."
"These terms are only until tomorrow."
When I said this, hesitant customers were more likely to make a decision on the spot.
It's the same with real estate purchasing. By not letting them postpone the decision, the conversation moves forward. In terms of immediate effect, it ranks high among the seven principles.
However, I intentionally put this in 4th place. If handled incorrectly, it easily becomes counterproductive. If you overuse limitations, the customer will notice.
"They said it was only until today last week, too."
Once you make them feel that way, trust collapses easily.
Only convey that something is limited if it is a fact. And use it after building trust with the 1st through 3rd principles. Scarcity without a foundation is just hype.
Action plan you can do today:
Verbalize just one "truly limited element" in your company's proposal without exaggeration.
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[5th Place] Commitment and Consistency โ When building trust from zero
People feel they want to be consistent with what they have once decided. Therefore, a person who has given a small "Yes" finds it harder to refuse a big "Yes."
There is an experiment. Families who first agreed to stick a small sticker on their house were much more likely to accept the installation of a large billboard later. The first small agreement created a self-image that they then kept consistent with the subsequent request.
This worked in interviews for the detective business. People who come to request help have deep troubles. They are very wary at first. So, you can't talk about the contract right away.
You build up from small "Yeses."
"That situation must be painful, isn't it?" โ Yes.
"First of all, you want to know the facts accurately, right?" โ Yes.
By layering small agreements one by one, you build trust from zero. Only then can the talk of the request sit on that extension.
I put it in 5th place because while it works, it takes time. It's hard to achieve in a single short business meeting. It works best in situations where you can take time, like interviews or repeat business.
Action plan you can do today:
Before the main topic, prepare two small questions that the other person will definitely say "Yes" to.
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[6th Place] Liking โ You lose if you don't do it, but it's hard to stand out even if you do
People buy from people they like. Liking is created by commonalities, genuine praise, and cooperation toward the same goal. This definitely works.
However, there is a reason I put it in 6th place. Nowadays, almost everyone is doing it. Researching the other person before a meeting, finding commonalities, and showing respectโthis is already the minimum requirement for a capable salesperson. If you don't do it, points will definitely be deducted. But even if you do it, everyone else is doing it too, so the added points are not large.
It is a so-called "cutoff" principle. It's expected that you can do it, and this isn't where the difference is made.
Action plan you can do today:
Accept that building liking is "only natural" and allocate your time to the 1st through 3rd places.
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[7th Place] Social Proof โ So many people have already taken measures that it's hard to make a difference
When people don't know what is right, they look at the actions of others to decide. Case studies, customer testimonials, reviews, rankings. In Cialdini's era, this was one of the most powerful weapons.
It is still effective today. It cannot be ignored. Review ratings and MEO (Map Engine Optimization) measures are the lifeblood of store businesses. The influx of customers is completely different between a store with no reviews and a store with 4.5 stars.
However, that's exactly why I put it in 7th place. Many stores are now taking measures for reviews and MEO. It has become "you can't even get on the playing field if you don't do it," but "even if you do it, you're just lining up with other stores."
What used to be a secret weapon is now close to standard equipment. You can't make a difference with standard equipment. This is also a "cutoff" principle like 6th place. It's essential, but it's not the deciding factor.
Action plan you can do today:
Position review and evaluation measures as defense; maintain them but don't over-pursue them.
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After that, just use them in combination
I have listed the seven in the order they worked for me. However, the ranking is strictly based on my experience in the field. If the industry is different, the effective order will also change.
The important thing is not to use the seven in isolation. Stand on the same side with Unity, give first with Reciprocity, and build trust with Authority. On top of that, bring out Scarcity at the crucial moment. The principles only demonstrate their power when combined.
In what order would you arrange them for your business? I want you to recombine the seven to fit your own field and create your strongest lineup.
In that way, I hope you draw out one more "Yes" from someone today.
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I started my business at 22, launched 9 industries, and sold 6 businesses. I write about what actually worked in the field, not the ideals talked about in books or seminars. I can't say cool or theoretical things.
If you are interested in the reality of business rather than platitudes, I would be happy if you followed me from my profile.
โป Follow here โ https://x.com/sontoku_pl
Thank you for reading to the end.
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References:
- Robert B. Cialdini, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion
