When you use matching apps for a long time, you change. It's not just how you meet people; your inner self gradually optimizes for the app and transforms.
In my 20s, I was a matching app junkie who used every app available. I've probably been on over 1,000 dates. For the record, I've been banned from Tinder three times, banned from Pairs, couldn't register on with because someone else was using my photos, almost got scammed by a married person on Omiai, and have a dark history with Tokyo Calendar Date where I quit as an employee and tried to return as a business owner with 5x the income, only to fail the screening forever.
Here are some changes I believe happen to humans optimized for matching apps.
When you develop a "matching app brain," you first develop a habit of discarding people instantly.
Even while talking to the person in front of you, the thought "there might be someone better" never leaves the back of your mind. If the conversation is slightly off, you let go before even trying to connect. Matching apps are a world of infinite encounters. The desire to truly face one person is hard to come by.
Moreover, cutting people off is too easy. If it doesn't seem to fit, just unmatch. If the LINE chat feels off, block. If the date was mediocre, block. In real-life relationships, you'd need an awkward explanation or time to drift apart, but on apps, you can end it with one button. When the effort of "properly ending things" becomes zero in your daily life, the hurdle for cutting people off drops across your entire life.
Next, you become unable to see people as anything other than "specs," and your ability to judge character deteriorates.
The moment you meet, you get into the habit of checking income, occupation, appearance, and family background within seconds. As an extension of reading profile columns, you subconsciously apply a spec sheet to the living person in front of you. You aren't even aware of it. Because you've repeated the app process hundreds of times, your brain does it automatically.
However, a person's charm lies mostly in parts that don't appear on a spec sheet: facial expressions while talking, how they laugh, how they drink, their attitude toward staff, the tone of their voice. You can't see these things unless you spend a few hours together. When spec-judging becomes a habit, you reach a conclusion before picking up this information. The meaning of meeting becomes nothing more than verifying the spec sheet. Your eye for people withers away.
Furthermore, communication becomes a task.
Conversations on matching apps aren't for enjoying small talk; they are for gathering information to decide "whether to move forward with this person." Interactions during a date are close to a brief interview. When you do this hundreds of times, that template shows up outside the apps too. Whether it's small talk at work or a conversation at a bar, you're unconsciously measuring "what can I learn from this story?" or "is there any point in engaging with this person?" Before you know it, talking to people becomes a task rather than a pleasure.
The thing I noticed most after stepping away from apps is that the ability to build human relationships plummets.
Building a relationship requires many elements: the habit of staying in touch, an eye for small changes in the partner, the power to reconcile after a fight, and the patience to build trust over time. These are all necessary for continuing a relationship, but they aren't used in the starting phase.
But matching apps are places only for starting relationships. There's no need to continue; if it doesn't fit, move on. You don't need to reconcile; you can replace them with someone new. By repeating this, the muscles for maintaining relationships rust from disuse. You find yourself becoming someone who is great at meeting new people but can't stay with anyone for long.
Ultimately, these changes start appearing in non-app settings. You judge people you meet in real life by their specs, prioritize new appointments over long-time friends, and even judge yourself by the sum of your "income, physique, title, and follower count."
Matching apps are wonderful tools for creating encounters. But if you use them for too long, you become the one being used by the app. I think it's worth keeping in the back of your mind that you might be turning into a "matching app version" of yourself without realizing it.
ใnoteใ
noteใงใฏใXใงใฏๆธใใใใชใ่ฉฑใๆธใใฆใพใ
ใกใณใใผใทใใใงใฏใไธ่ถใปๆตๆฏๅฏฟใง้ฃฒใฟไผใจใถใฃใกใใ่ฉฑใใใพใ
ใXใ
@yauyuism
ๆญฃ็ๆญฃ้ใฎใชใขๅขใงใ
