"I have to be able to work properly."
"I have to catch up with everyone."
"I'm tired of being a burden."
When I was repeating depression and adjustment disorders, my head was always full of these words.
When I first start a new job, I think, "I'll try not to overdo it." However, perhaps because of the sense of inferiority ingrained by my past experience with depression or the feeling of being behind in life, I inevitably sought approval from those around me.
I always felt that there was no place for me if I couldn't do it. So, I unconsciously thought that "being able to do the job" was the reason I was allowed to be here (at the workplace). I wanted to be strong.
However, I gradually realized that I had misunderstood "strength"โor rather, "strength in working."
One day at work, I decided to closely observe people who seemed to be doing well.
People who were doing well usually had the strength to disclose their weaknesses, saying things like, "I'm struggling a bit right now" or "To be honest, I'm not confident about this."
In other words, what I needed was not to become good at work and wipe out my sense of inferiority, but to "be able to properly put into words what state I am in and convey it to those around me."
In my heart, a sense of inferiority, a feeling of being behind, and a sense of responsibility were always in chaos, and I was always thinking, "I have to do this much by myself," so the option of consulting others never arose.
I hid my weaknesses and often deceived reality.
I would say "I'm fine" while exceeding my limits. I pretended to have room when I didn't, and pretended to understand when I didn't. But that wasn't strength; it might have just been "making weakness harder to see."
I thought weakness was "something you shouldn't have." But in reality, "not being able to pass on" your weakness might have been what was driving me deeper into a corner.
So, what exactly is "weakness"?
It's not immaturity. I now believe it's a "human side that isn't perfect."
However, disclosing it probably comes with a fair amount of fear.
The fear of "being judged." The moment you show weakness, your value in the other person's eyes drops. Such a prediction keeps your mouth shut.
This fear isn't necessarily a delusion. In fact, some people may have had experiences where they lost out by showing weakness. Some people have been told behind their backs, "That person is mentally weak." So it's natural to be afraid and natural to be cautious.
But if you could work while successfully revealing your weaknessesโsurely, it would be much easier to move than it is now.
When you can honestly convey your state, those around you will know "how to interact with you." They won't overthink it or become indifferent; they will just naturally find it easier to cooperate.
Work (a team) is something that becomes easier to move the more each other's states are visible.
That said, people who disclose well weren't just letting their emotions run wild. There is a "way of passing it on." The person you tell, the choice of words, the timingโthat balance is naturally maintained.
Conversely, people who aren't good at disclosure might not be "weak," but rather "don't know how to pass it on."
"Becoming good at work" is something that comes naturally and later by living honestly.
Related Article: 3 Tips for Making "Self-Disclosure" Familiar to Your Heart
