I have been persistently posting about things like "junior power" and "strategic charm."
And among those, there is a theme I've wanted to cover for a long time.
It's "how to praise."
To be honest, I used to be someone who constantly said things like "Amazing!" or "As expected!" Then one day, I realized something. The other person's face didn't look as happy as I thought it would.
It wasn't reaching them. It wasn't resonating.
From there, I rethought how to praise. To put it simply, the reason "Amazing" doesn't land is that while it sounds like praise, it's actually "grading."
"Amazing" is an evaluation from top to bottom. It's no different from a teacher giving a student a circle on a test. That's why the person receiving it feels happy but also feels like they're being judged.
So, what should you do? Here is the formula.
Praise = "Fact" + "Impact on Me"
Stop grading and confess the impact you received from the other person. Examples are faster than logic, so I'll list the translations I actually use.
Please save this and use it starting tomorrow.
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Work Edition
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Instead of "Great materials," say:
"I screenshotted that layout because I wanted to copy it."
Instead of "As expected, you're fast," say:
"Thanks to that speed, my entire afternoon opened up."
Instead of "Good presentation," say:
"I was thinking about that 3rd slide the whole way home on the train."
Instead of "You're so thoughtful," say:
"I realized later you had already anticipated that, and it gave me chills."
Instead of "You're so reliable," say:
"Knowing you're here cuts the fear of taking on this challenge in half."
Instead of "That's an interesting idea," say:
"I told three people about that perspective after the meeting."
Instead of "Your explanation is easy to understand," say:
"Not a single question came to mind after your explanation."
Instead of "Your email phrasing is good," say:
"I'm secretly copying the way you start your replies."
Instead of "Thanks for the backup," say:
"If it weren't for that one word, my heart probably would have broken today."
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Daily Life Edition
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Instead of "You're a good cook," say:
"If this taste were served at a restaurant, I'd normally pay for it."
Instead of "You have great taste," say:
"I couldn't have thought of that combination; I did a double-take."
Instead of "You're funny," say:
"Before I knew it, two hours had passed. You're a total time thief."
Instead of "You're a good listener," say:
"When I talk to you, my thoughts just organize themselves."
Instead of "You're always so cheerful," say:
"Do you know the air in the room relaxes the moment you arrive?"
Instead of "Your handwriting is beautiful," say:
"I couldn't throw that sticky note away; I'm still keeping it."
Instead of "You're good at photography," say:
"This is the first time I've liked myself in a photo."
Instead of "You're working hard," say:
"Seeing you like that, I couldn't let myself slack off either."
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"Superiors" Edition
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Actually, using "As expected" (Sasuga) for a superior is rude because it sounds like you're grading them. But there are many times you want to praise a boss or senior. The impact translation works here too.
Instead of "I'm learning a lot," say:
"I wrote that decision down in my notebook and carry it with me."
Instead of "I respect you," say:
"When I'm lost, I've started thinking, 'What would Mr./Ms. ●● do?'"
Instead of "As expected of you," say:
"I told my wife at home about that clever comeback you made."
Instead of "That's an amazing experience," say:
"That story is at a level where you could charge money for it, so I want to keep it all to myself."
Instead of "You're very skilled," say:
"My notes couldn't keep up, so please let me hear more again."
Instead of "You're cool," say:
"Mr. ●●, you have a sexiness even from a man's perspective."
Instead of "You're beautiful," say:
"Your mother must have been a real beauty, right?"
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Extra: Paraphrasing for "Yourself"
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Finally, the most important thing for those who have read this far. This translation can actually be used for yourself too.
Instead of "I did great today," say:
"Thanks to today's me, tomorrow's me will have it a little easier."
Instead of "I worked hard," say:
"If the me from six months ago saw this, they'd probably be shocked."
Instead of "I'm already old," say:
"The me with the most experience in my life is right here, right now."
If you keep grading yourself, it gets exhausting. Give yourself impact, not evaluation.
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The Skill of Praising is the Skill of Observation
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You don't need to memorize these 30 phrases.
If you just remember "what the other person gave to you," the words will come out naturally.
In other words, the skill of praising is nothing other than the "skill of observation."
That said, you'll definitely get stuck for words at first, so please save this article as a cheat sheet for when that happens.
Who were the words "Amazing" that you said recently directed at?
Were you able to put the impact you received from that person into words?
Just for today, try translating it for just one person.
...You, who read this far, are amazing.
No, that's not it.
Thanks to you reading this, this article is now complete.
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