Real victims who are truly hurt and people who are "playing" the victim look similar at first glance.
In my case, whenever there is a conflict or I get involved in something, I always "listen to both sides."
As I listen to each story, a decisive difference emerges.
First, real victims are surprisingly...
"They don't exaggerate their story."
Actually, rather than saying they don't, it's more accurate to say they "can't."
Truly painful experiences are exhausting just to remember.
In fact, when something has just happened on the spot, they haven't even processed it yet, so they might not be able to verbalize it well.
That's why they don't make more noise than necessary, and they don't swing the same story around over and over like a weapon.
Rather, some even try to force themselves to move forward, saying:
"I had some faults too..."
"It's already in the past..."
Of course, the scars haven't disappeared.
But they don't make the "scar" the protagonist of their life.
This is the "image of a real victim."
On the other hand, people who "play" the victim act in the exact opposite way of a real victim.
Their world always revolves around:
"I was hurt."
"I am pitiful."
"I am not understood."
Because the purpose of their talk isn't "resolution," but "attracting attention."
They are good at framing themselves as the "protagonist of a tragedy" to elicit sympathy from others.
What's even more troublesome is that these people start escaping from their immediate "responsibility" by talking about their victimization.
Not keeping a job, breaking human relationships, being cautioned—they settle everything by making it "someone else's fault."
Instead of changing themselves, they start "searching for a perpetrator."
This is a common story on SNS (social media) too.
At first, they get sympathy.
But as time passes, those around them start to feel a sense of unease.
The true nature of that unease is probably this, isn't it? ↓↓
"Wait? Isn't this person always badmouthing someone?"
"Doesn't trouble happen every single time?"
"Even though they're the victim, why are they so aggressive?"
Real victims know "pain," so they become sensitive to the pain of others.
But people who play the victim are the protagonists themselves, so they involve others without hesitation.
When things get inconvenient for them, they say:
"I was hurt again."
"I was blamed."
"I'm not understood."
They keep looking for an escape route forever.
And eventually, the people around them get exhausted and leave.
Also, this part is incredibly important:
"Having an experience of being victimized" and "being dependent on the victim position" are completely different.
Even among those who have had truly painful experiences, there are those who try to stand up from there.
Conversely, there are those who stay seated there.
Troublemakers who continue to use that scar as an "indulgence" for a lifetime.
Everyone lives with some kind of scar.
But the moment you start attacking others or abandoning responsibility there, people around you will gradually drift away.
What remains in the end isn't "people who sympathize."
It's only the people who quietly keep their distance, thinking, "Here we go again..."
If you're ever unsure how to judge, please listen closely to what that person says.
[People who play the victim] proceed with the conversation on the premise that the other party is entirely at fault.
And if you meet such a person, I hope you don't make a mistake in the distance you keep from them.
Because the next target might be you, the one reading this article.
