The Complete Guide to 'Getting Out of Bed'

You might already know how to meet and attract women to bed, but many people encounter a troublesome question: What do you do after sleeping together?

I call the stage after sleeping together "getting out of bed."

This article mainly discusses how to handle the "getting out of bed" phase in casual sex, FWBs (friends with benefits), and other informal sexual relationships. This includes but is not limited to:

• What "getting out of bed" means;
• How to handle "getting out of bed";
• How a man can maintain his agency and reputation after "getting out of bed."

The content in this article is not guaranteed to be completely correct. A significant portion comes from my own experience, and I can only try my best to be realistic and factual.

Before starting the main text, I still want to clarify two things first.

First, informal sexual relationships do not equal prostitution. Any sexual behavior that is illegal or involves monetary transactions is outside the scope of this article's discussion, and I strictly oppose it.

Second, the accompanying pictures in the text may be screenshots of my chats, but they don't have to be and might also come from the internet. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.

This really isn't an internet picture.

1. What "Getting Out of Bed" Means

Let's first talk about the most important concept: getting out of bed does not equal the end.

Getting out of bed refers to how to handle the relationship next after two people have had sexual relations.

• It's possible to continue maintaining the original way of getting along;
• It's possible to confirm becoming long-term friends with benefits;
• It's possible to establish a one-on-one sexual relationship;
• It's possible to define nothing for the time being;
• It's also possible to find out it's inappropriate and never continue from then on.

Therefore, the result of getting out of bed can be continuation, can be change, or can be the end.

So when does getting out of bed start?

Getting out of bed starts from the first time a woman discusses the relationship, or reveals that she wants to know "what is our relationship."

You should note that when a woman asks this question, it doesn't mean she definitely wants to date you. She might want to date, or she might just want to know if you will still meet up and if you only have relations with each other.

Many people like this kind of relationship because they can have sex without a romantic commitment; but they are also afraid that discussing the relationship will make things too formal, so many people choose not to speak up.

The goal of getting out of bed is to align expectations.

You can both confirm not dating, you can confirm being friends with benefits, you can confirm being one-on-one; you can also confirm nothing (generally speaking, if a woman doesn't bring up relationship matters within a week, you can default to FWB or casual partners).

The only thing you need to undertake: respect women and make both people happy, treat women as human beings, not tools.

2. How to Handle "Getting Out of Bed"

1. Maintain Consistency Before and After Sleeping Together

A gentleman is judged by his actions, not his thoughts.

Whether you date or not is not important, but it is very important that your attitude before and after sex is consistent. This involves whether a woman can gain a sense of security from you (any relationship needs a sense of security).

If you didn't promise romance from the very beginning, then you can completely get along in the original way first after having relations.

Chatting with her every day before sleeping together, but suddenly not replying for three days after; caring a lot about her life before, but only appearing when you want to have sex after—this kind of behavior won't do. I have suffered losses on this matter before.

What a woman judges is whether you are the same person before and after.

However, if a woman has clearly told you: "I only have relations with my boyfriend," and you are not prepared to date her but blur it over to continue going to bed, then you are in the wrong. But even so, you can actually just normally admit your mistake and accept that she might stop talking to you, and that's it. (But try not to do this kind of thing; in some countries, there is a risk of being taken to court.)

Therefore, if you clearly don't want to date, it's best to make this attitude clear before sleeping together.

2. When a Woman Asks "What Is Our Relationship?"

This is the most core scenario of getting out of bed.

No matter what, when a woman asks or indirectly expresses doubt: "What is our relationship now?" you should first ask her back:

"What do you hope our relationship is?"

Or directly ask her: "What do you think?"

You test her attitude first. Don't default to her next sentence definitely being "you must be my boyfriend." She doesn't necessarily want you to be her boyfriend. She might want to date, might just want to keep hooking up, might want to confirm one-on-one, or even she herself hasn't completely figured it out.

At this time, roughly four situations will appear.

First, she wants to date, and you do too.

This doesn't need me to expand on; you just need to be together.

Second, she wants to date, but you don't.

At this time, you first express understanding, take a step back, and then continue to observe. You need to judge: does she want to date because she likes you as a person, or does she just want a formal relationship? Many young women value a relationship more than the person. What she wants is the sense of certainty like "I have a boyfriend" and "we are formally together," but some women who understand relationships better will value the person more than the relationship.

If you judge that she is the second type, you can completely continue to maintain an ambiguous relationship with her, and then tell her: I can be one-on-one with you, but I don't promise a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship right now.

This is a new offer you give her.

But this offer cannot be deceptive; it must be good for both people, and it must be a win-win situation. Your so-called "conquering her" must also be built on the premise that she voluntarily accepts this offer, not interpreting a clear refusal as saying no but meaning yes.

Third, both of you just want to maintain a sexual relationship.

This also doesn't need to expand. Confirm that you are casual partners, and then continue to get along happily.

Fourth, she doesn't know, and you don't know either.

Then take it one step at a time. This is the situation that appears the most. This stage has no fixed time limit; it can be a week, it can be a month, or it can be longer. As long as both people are comfortable, there is no need to force a definition for the sake of form.

But if she starts checking up on you, getting jealous, or requiring you to report your whereabouts, at this time it will slowly turn into the second situation.

Here is a tip: you don't need to completely believe a woman's summary of herself, because she herself doesn't necessarily know what she can ultimately accept. You need to listen to what she says, and also look at what she does afterward. If she says with her mouth that she only accepts dating, but in her behavior she is still willing to maintain the current relationship with you, then you can propose an offer that is beneficial to both people.

However, clear refusals like "no," "stop," and "I am unwilling" do not belong to attitude testing.

3. How to Maintain a Relationship Without Consuming Energy

Many men cannot maintain a relationship for a simple reason: after you satisfy your own sexual needs, you don't want to continue spending energy. So the question here is how to maintain the relationship comfortably without consuming a large amount of energy.

First of all, you must have your own things to do.

You need to have work, fitness, friends, and interests. You cannot spend a large amount of time every day thinking about this woman. This is a man's agency. Then, you need to find a chatting rhythm that is comfortable for both parties.

If you don't meet that frequently, you can chat once or twice a week, or two or three times a month. If you are in the same city and might meet every week, then chatting every day is also no problem.

Sometimes, you can even not contact each other for several months, and it's still very comfortable when you meet. But if you haven't met for several months, remember to bring a small gift for the woman when you meet again, or prepare a little surprise. The point is to let her know that you don't only remember her when you want to have sex.

You need to make the woman feel that she is a special person to you. Don't make her feel like she is just a tool for venting desire. This is very important.

Then how do you make her feel special? It's mainly through small details in daily life.

You need to remember her birthday, what she likes, what she dislikes, where you met, and roughly when you met. If you remember these things, she will know that you are treating her as a person seriously.

If you can't remember, use WeChat memos or WeChat tags to record them.

Like in my WeChat tags, I will record different women's birthdays, preferences, meeting places, and meeting times. Human memory is unreliable; there is nothing shameful about writing it down. What you truly need to do is, don't ask every single thing all over again like it's the first time you met her when you meet next time.

You need to have your own life, and at the same time remember that the other party is a relatively special person to you.

4. What to Do When the Woman's Mindset Changes but You Don't Want to End It

Any relationship will change, and casual relationships are the same. For example, you and a woman have already maintained a relationship for about half a year, and suddenly one day, she tells you: "I got a boyfriend."

What should you do?

There are roughly two situations here.

First, she is unwilling to continue maintaining the original relationship with you.

Then you normally tell her: "No problem, go ahead and date. If you break up in the future, we can still have dinner together." Then push your relationship back to friends temporarily. But pushing back to friends doesn't mean you can never go back. Based on my experience, after some women broke up with their boyfriends, the two of us resumed our original sexual relationship. This is not a particularly rare thing.

Second, she got a boyfriend, but is still willing to continue maintaining the original relationship with you.

This kind of situation will of course also appear. Women will not, just because they got a boyfriend, from then on have only one emotion and one desire left at every moment. Women, like men, will have their own pursuits, desires, and interludes. Her having feelings for her boyfriend doesn't mean she didn't have them for you in the past.

So it's still that same saying, don't just listen to how a woman defines herself, but also look at her actual attitude toward you. This is also why I have always emphasized that getting along happily is very important. If you have a good enough experience, even if the relationship label changes, the attraction may still exist.

5. If You Don't Want to Continue, How Should It End?

You don't want to continue, most likely for two reasons:

• First, you don't really like your sex life.
• Second, you met someone new and don't want to invest in the original relationship anymore. - But in this situation, don't directly tell the woman: "I don't like your body anymore." Or "You are not good in bed."

This kind of talk will hurt a woman's self-esteem, and it is completely unnecessary.

Similarly, don't just stop replying to messages ever again the day after you just slept together. Doing so will make her label herself very badly, and will also make her feel that all your previous attitudes were fake. What you need to do is to get along normally a few times first, and then slowly lower the frequency. For example, the number of times you meet gradually decreases, the chatting frequency gradually lowers, and the speed of replying to messages gradually slows down.

Before you prepare to completely stop replying, you must give the woman an explanation. You need to tell her why your relationship should not continue to develop forward.

In this process, you must maintain the woman's self-esteem, even if you already dislike her.

You can put the responsibility on yourself. For example, your work pressure has been very high recently, and you don't have the energy to continue maintaining an intimate relationship; or after thinking about it seriously, you feel that you are currently not suitable to continue developing.

Everyone knows these reasons are not the facts, but still don't tell her the specific true reason. Most of the time, women will know that the fundamental reason is just that you don't like her that much anymore.

Slowly lower the frequency, explain normally, and finally stop continuing.

3. A Man's Agency and Reputation

I have always emphasized that you must respect women. But respecting women does not equal licking women's boots, nor does it mean you have to agree to all demands women put forward.

You must have your own agency, and be generous.

You need to have your own work, fitness, friends, and interests. These things should be placed in an equally important position as sexual relationships, and many times are even more important than sexual relationships.

You must make yourself happy first, and at the same time ensure your female partner is happy.

You cannot only make your female partner happy while you yourself are unhappy every day.

When you have your own life, you won't be afraid of losing anyone. You won't turn into a man whose brain is controlled by hormones, waiting for a woman to send messages at any time.

And women can perceive this.

If every time you go on a date with a woman, you only think about whether you can hold her hand today, whether you can kiss her, and whether you can have relations with her, then you have already lost your own agency.

Your attention is entirely on "whether I can get her," and she will naturally feel your tension and scarcity.

The greatest charm a woman feels is that you like her, but you can completely do without her.

Remember one sentence:

You can only get what you are not afraid of losing.

Regarding how a man develops his own sexual attraction, I will open a separate article to talk about it in the future.

At the same time, you must pay attention to your own reputation.

Men often feel that having relations with a woman is just a matter between two people.

But not necessarily. It's possible for a woman to tell her best friends about this matter, and it's also possible to chat with friends about your character, or even chat about your performance in bed.

Whether you are the same person before and after sleeping together, and whether you have lied—these things will all become your reputation.

As for how to please yourself and the woman in bed at the same time, I will also open another article to talk about it.

Finally

You need to remember a few things.

1. Keep consistent before and after sleeping together.
2. Don't just listen to whatever the woman says for everything.
3. Maintain a man's agency and reputation.
4. You must know what both people actually need. You even have to actively create the story for the two of you for a period of time in the future.

OK, it ends here.

This guide is purely fictional. If it is effective, it is because of your extraordinary talent and has nothing to do with me.

If you have any questions, feel free to send a private message.